I’m in a foreign country, I’m cold, I’m scared.
The way before me unclear, in me so many words, but the language is missing to translate them.
I’m in a room full of people and I don’t know what to do.
You ask me so many things: Where are you from? How did you live before you came? What town are you from in Syria? How old are you? Do you have a family or not?
I try to talk, but inside me there is this fear, because I don’t know what to do.
I lost everything, I got here, I’m starting from zero.
I’m nobody yet, nobody on this new earth.
Who am I? I wonder on this journey.
The first days after the interview. We’re in a car driving. Where to? I don’t know!
I’m scared, I’m a stranger, I’m cold. We arrive, in a new place. I see them, two people who speak my language. I’m getting warmer, it’s nice.
I’m scared, but not so much anymore.
We are interviewed again, asked again where we come from.
We spend the night in a room with a lot of people, it’s unsafe. I’m insecure.
I don’t know what’s coming tomorrow.
A country I’ve never been to, a country whose language I don’t know.
In a country where nobody knows me, where I’m nothing, nobody. I’m no one yet.
I am cold, I am afraid and I miss her, my mother, I miss them, my siblings, I miss him, my father.
I miss you!
What will happen, I wonder and close my eyes. I’m falling asleep.
The next day we drive on to a city called Dortmund. I don’t know the name, what’s going to happen there?
We’re in a hotel.
It has become a little better, the Arab men talk to me a lot, I forget my fear, I feel like I am, in a country where I am still nothing.
Many people in one room, there are 50 people, I can’t sleep, think, and every time I get up again and wake up.
Every time, I get up and wake up, wake up like the very first night.
Every time I closed my eyes and woke up again.
Every time, I couldn’t let myself go on this journey, the way of which I don’t know.
I don’t know where I’m going, I’m here and I’m scared.
Slowly it disappears because my language gives me a feeling of trust.
We stay in the hotel for eight days, the fear disappears more and more, but it is still there.
What will happen, I wonder, in this country where I’ve never been before
It goes on to the first asylum, the first asylum I’ve ever set foot in.
In a room with four friends, I say friends, because they still are today.
They speak my language and the fear, it will disappear more and more every day.
Arrive with my suitcases, with my suitcases full of things, my suitcases full of pictures and insecurity, with my suitcases full of fear.
With every day that passes, I notice how the ground under me gets firmer.
There are Syrians in my room, they share my fear. It’s nice, we’re strong together. I don’t feel so strange anymore, but still a little bit at home.
We learn and learn and learn, every day I learn more of the language that is the key to the people I will live with.
There are people coming into my world I’ve never seen before.
We become friends, the fear disappears, slowly, piece by piece.
I’m not afraid anymore. Still a little…..
What will happen tomorrow?
I don’t know, I’m happy, just a little…
But I miss her… My mother who sings me a story every morning.
I miss her…..
It goes on, it was inevitable, I had to begin this journey. I don’t have a home in my country anymore.
I get to know people, suddenly Lena comes into my life.
A little angel who tells me that fear makes little sense.
It’s Christmas, I’m alone, but Lena’s family won’t leave me.
A gift even, it’s beautiful, I feel family, family, a little.
I will never forget how she gave me the gift. It was so beautiful and felt very good.
I thought to myself: Love conquers all fear, love does not need language, love is the best means against fear.
Time flies. I’m starting to sing in the choir, yes, I’m making friends. Home, it is in me, every day it lives in me.
But slowly, very slowly, the ground under me is getting firmer and firmer.
A long journey… where was I on the first day with all the fear, and now…
Now I sing in front of so many people.
I’m known, even laugh, that boy with so much fear.
It’s time to get my first apartment and many people help me move.
Lena wallpapers my room, her father has become my friend.
Now I’m here in this country. I’m not afraid of anything. It has become a part of me.
After three years I speak the language, can say what I want.
My home is in me, and I miss her… my mother singing me songs.
I miss them, but I am no longer afraid of the journey, because I know that everything works with love, because I learned that with love every place can become home.
Just as now, here a piece of me lives and here a piece of me has become.
I’m scared, no, I’m not scared. I’m here.
The ground has become firmer under my feet, I am looking forward to the journey, because love can defeat every fear.
This poem was written in a project with George Haddad and Sarah El Desoke, Georde Hadad was interviewed about his escape story and together they worked out the present text.
Storyteller’s name: George Haddad
Interviewer’s name: Sarah El Desoke
Country of origin: Syria